We're NOT in Middle Earth Anymore

It's almost Labor Day weekend, and that means it's time for Dragon*Con!   I have heard that the real Vin Diesel occasionally attends Dragon*Con, incognito.   Well, this year I am attending Dragon*Con....incog-NOT-o.  Of course.  You wouldn't expect any less.

In case you are unfamiliar with Dragon*Con, it is the world's largest sci-fi/fantasy convention.  It is held in Atlanta, every Labor Day weekend.  And it is filled - and by that I mean not empty - with tens of thousands of Trekkies, Warsies, vampires, werewolves, cos-play-ers, and superheroes.   There are seminars, panels, parties, speakers, autographs, photo ops, marketing, and probably more Stormtroopers than you can shake a lightsaber at.   And this year, it will also have Not Vin Diesel.

So in honor of the upcoming week of general nerdery, I have a surprise for you: I have managed to secure an exclusive interview with Boromir, eldest son of the last ruling Steward of Gondor. 

NVD: Boromir, welcome.

B: What is this new devilry?

NVD: No devilry.  Just an interview with a brilliant blogger.

B: Still sharp.

NVD: Yes, I am still sharp.  Now, if you don't mind.  Boromir, I'm sure you're excited about the upcoming event.  Tell us about it.

B: One does not simply walk into Mordor....

NVD: I'm sure, but this is NOT Mordor.  It's Dragon*Con.

B: There is evil there that does not sleep.

NVD: Well, I suppose if you count the people dressed up as Darth Vader, the Emperor, Stormtroopers, and the occasional Borg, you might be right. 

B:  It is a barren wasteland, riddled with fire, ash, and dust. The very air you breathe is a poisonous fume.

NVD: Um...it's in Atlanta, NOT Los Angeles.

B: Not with ten thousand men could you do this.

NVD: Considering that the convention's population hovers right around 40,000, I'm reasonably certain we could.

B: That is madness!

NVD: Riiiiiiight.   Well, thank you for your time, Boromir.  Now--

B: They have a cave troll.

NVD: *shoves Boromir out the door*

Well, I guess that did NOT go as expected.  My apologies.  But keep your eyes on this blog, September 1 - September 6.  You just might find some more exclusive access to Dragon*Con's most celebrated attendees.

Or not.

OMG! A Blog!

Holy Frijoles: NVD has a blog. 

I've been considering this since MySpace lost all of its charm, and I must say I'm not too terribly enamored of the blog-ability of Facebook.  Beside that fact, it's always bothered me that both Vin Diesel and Not Vin Diesel both have Facebook pages.  It just doesn't seem right.

So I started a blog.  Vin doesn't have one; I do.  All is right in the universe once again.

Speaking of universes, I was recently watching some old episodes of Star Trek: Voyager (which is what I do when I'm not gearing up for the next Riddick installment).  As I watched, a pattern began to emerge. I believe (and forgive me if I begin to sound as acerbic as The Doctor) I have created a formula, if you will, of a standard Voyager episode.  This formula should allow anybody - even a Ferengi - to generate their own unique Voyager episodes.

1. Captain Janeway really wants a cup of coffee, but she's out of replicator rations for the week.
2. Harry Kim announces that they have found: a) a new civilization with hostile intent; b) a planet that just might have foodstuffs they can harvest; c) a spacial anomaly that just might turn out to be a wormhole that leads to the Delta quadrant; d) the Borg.
3. Neelix cooks up something bizarre that is either much enjoyed or repeatedly spit out by the crew.
4. Tom Paris cracks a joke.
5. Chakotay reminisces with a somewhat-relevant story from his days in the Maquis.
6. The Doctor makes a snide comment.
7. Janeway calls a meeting of the senior officers.
8. Somehow, the crisis is averted.
9. Janeway replicates a cup of coffee anyway.

For later season episodes, insert Seven of Nine stalking around in a catsuit and trying to assimilate people. 

Or not.